Thanks for taking the time to read and respond I find myself saying Yep YepYes! And talking and responding like normal. Think about the additional things you want him to do differently to . He stopped giving you the time of day and you should do the same. Me and my wife had always had a great sex life and one night during . I'm very hurt. He might do the slow fade out, meaning he stops initiating contact and when you reach out to him he takes hours or days to reply. This happened before, without a warning. Tl;dr: boyfriend disappears for a day or at a time, says it's because he's sleeping the whole day. And completely agree to all of this its been over 3 years since I have pulled free from that and I never took him back or his calls/messages I even changed my number because I got fed up with the same empty promises he made he turned out to be all talk and no action. Serial killers Otis Toole and Henry Lee Lucas, who traveled together and separately across the United States in the 1970s and 1980s randomly killing . Unfortunately, if a man asks for space and disappears on you, he is pulling away. When he disappears or pulls back, it's an awful and baffling feeling. But notice everything. A profound change has occurred in your relationship you were once being pursued and showered with attention, and now, you are the one doing the work. Thanks for checking out my post and sharing your recent experience! If he won't see a doctor, you need to decide whether you're okay with having a partner who won't take control of their health. He has said the "L" word and he's even hinted at long term commitment or marriage. Finding fault in you, picking fights. You shouldn't have to tell him to call you! I told him that I have plenty of patience, I just think its time to go home. Finally a week later I got fed up and told him I didnt think he was interested anymore so I was letting go. He said he would come in early. This last visit (last weekend) was just as wonderful. I know its hard to see a guy go back on the dating site where you met, especially if you are actually into him. Furthermore, the disappearing act is one of the most disrespectful things that men do to us. The only time I get annoyed with zero response is if it goes like 12 hours without a single message, and I'd expect anyone in this long of a relationship to find that reasonable. The last meet he invited me over for a massage. Anyways. It's a good way to feel grounded and cut the unhealthy tie to him. Anyone can. Our photos are still up on his FB profile but he's radio silent. I can understand and relate and would have given him the time he needed but he never does that. He or she accuses you of cheating. (This is not is your power to fix). Thanks for taking the time to read them! I didnt hear from him all day and now I cant sleep because of that. Picking up the Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself for the Love and Relationship You Deserve, Follow Dee's Dating Diary on WordPress.com. He acted very excited and said he couldn't wait for me to visit. We talked prior to having Sex and were only seeing each other. We're both hugely into gaming, its our main hobby we do together. If you are still interested in him if he texts you again, don't text him more than he texts you. I erased his number. I responded and said good morning. But seriously I think the weed part is not OK at all. Now, the 3 month rule does run you the risk of having a man play that role more extensively in order to pass your 3 month test. This has been going on far to long. Enter your email address to follow my blog and receive notifications of great new posts by email! I cooked for my sons and him thinking we would have a nice dinner together like we did the year before and he was a no call no show. Yea, he is TRYING to be perfect. LOL. He wanted to keep drinkingI thought it was time to go home. Could be for days or even weeks. The Student Room and The Uni Guide are both part of The Student Room Group. Every time he reappears, its always, oh, I always liked you but wasnt in the right mind set. I would not contact him and if he contacts you dont answer him for 72 hours. Was it a control thing? but since he has gone back into the mines, he is 7 on 7 off, on his weeks off he usually comes back to mine but for the past month and a half the week leading up to when he comes back he is all keen to come home and then come friday no word from him his phone is off i hear nothing untill he goes back to work the following week. A mans words must align with his actions! Up Norrh is the answer I got this time. Some months later, again, he reappeared, we had another short lived fling, he would make suggestions about being in a relationship, but I shot him down. Are You Picking The Wrong First Date Outfits? He said he missed me all the time and wanted us to live together and get married. From the sound of it, no. We went eight months doing good with no disapearing on me. He cant even send a simple text saying hey, sorry, cant make it tonight. I told him if he wasnt interested that I would be okay with it. Pay close attention and trust your instincts; after all, you don't want to sit around, blindly believing lies and deception. Suddenly he threw his arms up saying that I was being difficult, and causing drama for no reason, and started stomping away. Regardless of whether you can confirm that a mans disappearing act is due to him being with other women or not, you have to evaluate whether this man is right for you based on his actions as a whole, based on the big picture. Three and a half weeks ago, he asked for some space. Do the same to him. Tell him how it feels to have him disappear. If he is being unfaithful he will probably project that you are being unfaithful to him. So, he's awake and can't send me a message to let me know he's okay? But, wait, there is something they dont realize. If any of you experiencing the same treatment from your beloved. We continued to flirt and correspond throughout Christmas and just before New Years he disappeared. It was only when I stopped trying to get hold of him he started to call and message me alot Which got me thinking Why was he calling and messaging me more now than he ever did the entire time we were together? I said no, because I still had feelings for my ex. We started corresponding and I have to say, it has been a lot of fun. BUT, remember ladies, after the third time of having a man pull the disappearing act on you, youre no longer a victim. The two year guy broke up with me and I ended up getting back with my ex. Thats what decent human beings do. Youre not alone in how you feel, many of us have been worried about the real nature of some so-called platonic friendships. We both admitted how comfortable we were with one another and how unfortunate it was that we lived so far apart. He is flexible enough to be able to have visitors. Thanks for checking out my article and taking the time to share your experience! Goddess energy is welcoming and inviting; it makes him feel like youre at home with him and that you can be yourself with him. Time to let this guy go. If you find yourself doing this, it may be time to move on! Yeah I know. In fact, a man will play this role, however, he cant and wont play this role forever. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the night or the next day. And when I talked to him about it he of course denied it. Honestly? You are tight, Im not a victim, Im a willing participant and I hate myself for trusting him that much. And the answer is yes, they can. After four months of complete silence, I was in a good place. Then fool that I am once again messaged him after my hectic schedule ended jokingly sending him a picture of smoke signals saying hi there, hope you are doing okay Of course the communication then picked up again. Dear Marilyn, I have been living with my boyfriend for years. Do you even want to be with me anymore??? He made it seem like we actually had a future together. However, once you acknowledge and appreciate that you have the miraculous gift of female intuition, your gut instincts, you dont need to rely on finding additional evidence. On the night of April 25, 2009, 17-year-old Brittanee Drexel of Chili, New York, United States, left a hotel in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, where she had been staying with friends over spring break. So then In mind I started doubting myself maybe i shouldnt have said something. I would suggest just establishing some communication agreements. I agreed, and said ok. He calls inroute to his appointments, when he gets there, while waiting, in route home. Our conversations werent everyday because I believe there are times when we both need some space. In 30 days time, we spent 15 of those days/nights together. We went into this crazy fast though. Ghosting has existed since the dawn of time pretty sure I once saw a cave . This sets you up to fall for emotionally unavailable guys who come on strong and then vanish. Your gut says something is wrong. The next day he sends me a message saying he didnt think it was going to work long term. He made himself available to you from the get-go, so that you felt appreciated and adored in a way that you may never have before. The fact that this strand has been going on until now just goes to show how common this situation really is. I think most women feel the same way, but its hard to walk away. i dont really know how to feel about this. 1.5 years later, again, mind you, I had forgotten about him, he calls me. We havent had a conversation for a week. Thank you for this article. What is his deal? He was also gone for the entirety of last weekend, with the exception of about 8 hours on Saturday he was reachable. Thats awesome!!! By being in an unnecessary relationship, women will take on emotional baggage from this relationship and it could become harder to maintain healthy dating habits in the future. Well, we began corresponding 6 months ago, covering every topic as friends and prospective lovers do. He is hiding some of his friendships with women from you, a big red flag; and 3. I believe he keeps reappearing and appearing because you allow him to. I'd already been out to visit him once before and we had an amazing time. Wouldn't disclose how they knew each other or what he did for a living. As long as he can say that a woman isnt fitting the mold, he can stay unavailable and not have to experience intimacy. Many men play roles for women. If not, maybe he doesn't want to go to the doctor because he knows there's nothing wrong, in other words he's lying to you and not really sleeeping all the time. I told him that wouldnt happen that it was an equal thing. It sounds like this guy may have been looking for much more when he invited you over for a massage. This is day 4 that my boyfriend has been MIA. When a guy disappears, it's often because he's not confident enough in the relationship. I met my boyfriend three months ago when he was in town for work. Then I went away for a long weekend and when I returned I heard nothing from him. so iv had to break up with him via a text ( he doesnt come home for me to do it person ). I've now been officially moved away for three weeks now and these full day disappearances occur about twice a week. You'll know how to effortlessly move a man toward a more secure and stable relationship. See additional information. It can be difficult coming to terms with the fact that someone youre interested in doesnt share the same feelings. Out of state disappears. He has to choose.cut him loose. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); See Im just going through this right now. Because youve let him know the role you wanted him to play. My friends say he's a bad apple and was never serious about me. So Saturday came and went and a week later I send him a general hi there message. He introduced me to friends and family. He hides more from me. But neither of us seemed to care and we continued building our friendship. Ive never been one to chase, even though it hurt I let him go. "Soul wants" really help because they keep you still when you break away from yourself for a moment. The answer depends on the man. This one specific guy replied very enthusiastically saying that he would get back to me on Saturday. Took me out on dates. All was going ok until I missed a goodnight text then he went quiet. Good example was I spent NY Eve alone. I say goodnight and two hours later he'll reply apologising with excuses like, sorry the text only just came through. He had only come to see me when his work paid for it. When this happens, the girl becomes desperate to know why. We were doing good for 7 months, even with the distance between us. But every Monday he plays this disappearing act. Consistency lets you know that a man is who he is claiming himself to be. On our 4 th date he came over my house for dinner and we had sex. One night he disappeared and did not call me until the next day he told me he fell asleep at his sisters house I told him that that was not okay that I need communication from him. And if not, it's easier to plan to see each other when you live close. You are definitely right and its always best to trust your gut! Allow yourself to feel all the doubt and deliciousness of having him back. After his next visit, we really connected and had a lot of sex. She was found safe on Monday. As much as it can be hard to trust ourselves, you should always listen to your gut instinct. I'm scared he's got something seriously wrong medically, or worse, that he's lying to me. No sorry nothing just a smiley face. We knew we liked each other. This dynamic leaves you both dissatisfied. Her boyfriend disappears with the young woman, and Kath becomes obsessed with finding an explanation. That I was sorry if I sounded controlling. 5 Ridiculous Reasons Men Give For Going MIA When Dating. The problem is that when he comes back without a clear explanation of what happened, he creates more insecurity for the other person. She also hosted the nationally-airing, 46-episode TV talk show, the "Michelle Valentine Show". If he has other girls or a girlfriend, I can let him go. And, he may have lost interest when you werent willing to go further with him. Your stomach is turning right now because you dont trust your man being out with one of his secret female friends and he hasnt allowed you to build trust in him because of his secretive nature and disappearing acts. She was last seen by her family on a video call on February 24. This is the second time in my life this has happened to me. This goes on for a while until you take the unfortunate hint. I refused to contact him I didnt want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me. Stop taking any man as they come and start taking control of your dating life. When he's the center of the relationship, it makes him bored. I worded it very nice and kind. When we had plans. If he does not re-appear after day 7I will assume that I have been ghosted, and move on. Thanks for taking the time to read my post and share your experience with me and other women! Just like real crappy reasons. He said to me if I felt a type of way why didnt I say anything but then said I dont chase after people if I feel like someone doesnt want to talk to me I back off. Ultimately, you deserve a man who wants to stay in your life! Probably all of the above but at that moment I wasnt going to stand for it any longer as he had pushed me too far too many times and I was officially done. He appears to be making a huge effort to fit you into his life; but somehow he just can't seem to do it on any regular basis. He claims hes never lied to me never cheated on me I just dont but it any of it so I threw him out last week. Unnecessary Relationship = Unnecessary Heartache. Dont beat yourself up though, weve all been there caring about a man that wasnt worth our time and wishing he was giving us more attention or treating us better even though we really just need to move on. I need advice. Red Flag: Does he pull disappearing acts? Explains him disappearing over night and during the day. Thanks for being so open about your experience. About 1-2 times a week, he will literally "disappear" all day. To be clearer, men play the part they think you want them to play in order to get what they want from you! I met him on a dating site instantly the chemistry was crazy. Obviously, the risk of letting your guard down is the possibility of getting hurt, but that risk is worth it if it means getting that great love you really want. He started disappearing for entire weekends or one ore 2 days. We travel together even if we are not physically with each other thats why these disappearing acts are so hard to deal with.They are very painful to handel because how can you be so connected to someone and then walk away and say nothing for long periods of time. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. he hasnt gone back to work yet, but im sure il probably hear from him if he figures out a way of contacting me when iv blocked him from every way possible of contacting me. I feel like an idiot because I know its not normal and I truly wish I didnt care. Its long distance and the last days I felt we were connected. If you pull back from men that exhibit serious red flags, youll save yourself a whole lot of heartache and months of recuperating! The Night She Disappeared is Lisa Jewell's newest novel about the disappearance of teen mom, Tallulah Murray, who seemingly vanished into thin air after a night out with her boyfriend and. He said, we will figure it out. He forgot we had plans and fell asleep after working that day! You are worth so much better, no matter what your age is!! Sometimes we just need to accept the reality that we can see right in front of us. I had a severe mental breakdown because I didnt know what to do at that time so I texted him maybe 3 footling passages, and several other messages over the period of 5 hours, I got mad when he didnt respond and basically said that is all you wanted from me was a check? I dont know what to do. RELATED:6 Ways To Keep Calm After Someone Ghosts You. After three Thanksgivings together he disappeared for the entire weekend and when he finally reached out to me that following Monday he tells me that he spent time in the emergency room dealing with his sick brother. 3 wks later he appears on the dating site winking at me so I ignore him. Boyfriend disappears for hours, doesn't keep promises I have been dating this guy for little over a year, he's wonderful most of the time. I expressed to him how I didnt appreciate what he did and I was apprehensive to even talk to him. He texted me back when I landed and said he was glad I was home. I don't think he's been to a doctor in like 10 years. I will come and see you tomorrow, I promise. Guards cell phone and computer with his or her life. Read these signs to determine if it was love at first sight or if your upcoming date is just him adding you to his harem. From day 1 it was no secret how much we had in common and how attracted we were to each other. But for right now, Im going to go back inside, and be with my friends. But worse than that, is our acceptance of it! Copyright The Student Room 2023 all rights reserved. If a man is not consistent in his communications with you, hes not someone you should be putting stock into. Hes pulling disappearing acts on you. He wanted a family wanted a relationship I wanted to go slower but he was very nice at first. Oh Ive tried to leave it alone but he persisted I was giving up something that could be great. I am in a 5 mos relationship and am in love. We got engaged in January of this year and he has disappeared several times to just reappear. I didnt actually tell him that hed had enough. I feel like I'm way too old to be dealing with such childish behavior, so I'm just not sure how to respond. I am to old to be worrying about what my man is doing and who he is doing it with. At the end of the day, you deserve a man that isnt going to disappear on you because he went out and got wasted with his friends. Admittedly, I did get a bit teary eyed, because hed never yelled at me before, and I had a few drinks in me too. Texting became intense. No text no calls nothing just crickets. Please, learn to love yourself, bit by bit. Then it got worse, he starts dissapearing ever once in a while. We will have plans that he will say he forgets and then when I do get him on the phone to confront him about them, usually it will be once the plans have been ruined. Thanks for sharing your experience with the disappearing act! After this, he started disappearing for a day or more at a time, not answering any messages. Ive been seeing this guy for 9 months and entry few months he disappears. One year later, a writer moves into a cottage on the edge of the woods that border the same estate. Honestly, I have no idea. This prevents you from falling head over heels into your fantasy and it keeps you in the present moment. Lauren Spierer (born January 17, 1991) is an American woman who disappeared on June 3, 2011, following an evening at Kilroy's Sports Bar in Bloomington, Indiana. However, when it happens to you personally it does not feel so common it feels darn personal. ANDREA L. He talked about all of these trips he wanted to take with me and I said well, let's just start with our next visit to see each other. We were so happy. He Needs You To Validate Him He could be reaching out because he needs a little ego boost. Because in a healthy relationship, this is where your guy's head is at. UntilWe were out having drinks last Saturday night, and things got a little out of control (hed had way too many). You went from being the sun (which doesnt move) to being the earth (circling around him). He was flirtatious and suggestive but said he was a gentleman. After all, he presented himself to be a safe harbor for you. Ive been through the ringer with the disappearing act and was worried sick everytime and I admit I was gullible the first few times and then the times after I had multiple confrontations about it and was tried putting my foot down on it all to make it stop and to be treated better but I was made too look like the crazy girlfriend and if I was coming across that way it wa because thats what he was doing to me.